iron bowl, 49-0 alabama

Dear drunk woman who sat behind me:
1.) The Alabama players are not your "boys." They don't know who you are. And you're like 40. Sorry.
2.)  They also can't hear your expert advice from the very top section of the stadium.
3.) Several times over the course of the game I felt a mysterious plop on my hat as if something wet dropped on it, usually coinciding with your screamed encouragement and/or taunts. I'm willing to believe it was your beer spilling on me rather than your projectile saliva. Counting on you, drunk woman.
4.) Remember how we scored a touchdown and you were all "AUBURN SUCKS!!!" and then you said it again every time we scored a touchdown? That was bloody brilliant.
5.) I appreciated how you kept occasionally invading my personal space by making unidentifiable contact with my upper back, and also the aroma of your alcoholic respiration. It kept me in touch with reality.
6.) Do not ramble drunkenly during the band's halftime show.
7.) Ever.