So then I briefly considered teaching English and just teaching music as a hobby, but realized that I would be just as offended by a bunch of illiterate kids who read one word at a time as I would by someone who can't play with the metronome or look up from their dang keyboard.
Obviously I shouldn't have an excessively social job. What about a librarian? It looked good until I researched it and saw myriad librarians talking about how it's not a job that lets you just sit around with books all day; those jobs are fast disappearing, being replaced with digital librarians. Nope.
I wish I could say I'm called to be a missionary, but I don't think I'm cut out for living that kind of life long-term. Similarly, I went through a military phase and wanted to be a total war hero until I remembered who I was.
Several years ago, before I knew about making money, I just wanted to be a musician and perform and teach, for fun and the means to survive. Then when I went to public school, I got focused on definite careers -- what they told us to focus on -- and sadly dismissed my middle school dream. But recently I had a few talks with my mom about what I'll do, and she basically told me I could do that if I wanted.
...Really? :)
Now I'm a bit mad at myself because I was kind of just as anal as any ambitious "grades = college = money = success" straight-A student. I've always wanted to play and teach music, but somehow I got convinced that it had to be my career, or I had to have a different career and do all that on my own time. But I realize now that's never really been what I wanted to do. That's not ambition, that's resignation. Ambition is having the guts to go out and wing it. I'm literally terrible at everything except music and maybe writing. As my mom said, if I devote myself to becoming skilled I can cobble enough things together to get by on my own with a roommate.
Returning to the whole thing about believing all that nonsense about pre-made careers... the last year or so I've become increasingly aware of all the lies public school teaches. Recently, I've realized that it's even infected me -- who came to it with some understanding of its hogwash -- with false ideas about how life works. Mostly things like this; the idea that you have to do well in school and go to college and have a successful job to not fail at life. That basically translates to "Let us strangers grade you like an egg so you can go somewhere else to get graded like an egg so you can someday make more money to buy more things."
Of course I try my best (or close to it) in school, but there's honestly just so much more to life than being evaluated by people who don't know you about things that don't really matter. I'm planning on going to to a band-oriented college for a music degree and maybe a business minor. I'll be just fine. I've got a good head, an entrepreneurial family, musical talent, and a quick learning curve if I need something to fall back on. I don't care about money; all I need are a roof, utilities, and wifi.
Life is too beautiful to spend worrying about things you don't enjoy. Love God, do good works for the Kingdom, love the people around you who build you up, do what you love. All the rest is secondary, and if it doesn't make you a better human, there's no reason to do it. If I'm already going to spend the rest of my natural youth in concrete buildings, I'd rather not spend my adulthood still wishing I could escape.
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